Band+Disposable Cameras+America= A Lovely Slideshow

Enjoy x

We spent our time in the larger New York area having different adventures, Neil and Paul did a large amount of walking, Rob performed some songs at his friend Carolines birthday party and broke Eugene Mirman’s ipad, Jason and Kim got tattoos and I went to the Brooklyn Superhero Supply store and bought a large empty paint can with the label “Omnipotence” on it. Needless to say its impracticality lies in how it fits in my suitcase.

The shop is part of the Dave Eggers brand, it’s a non profit organization promoting literacy for young un’s and it sells silly things to fund this endeavor with workshops being run in the back, this comforts me when I think about how I could have spent that 12 dollars on a musty yet jaunty hat from Buffalo Exchange. Other photos of the wonder of this shop are below, including my entrance into the Superhero Database.

We had a treat of a man at the two Brooklyn Hall of Music Shows in the shape of a trumpet player called Tim, he has toured with “Camera Obscura”  and we wish (so hard) that we had the money to take him away on tour but maybe after a few more Beer/car/cheese/dog food commercials. We ended that first night majestically at Barcade playing Donkey Kong and spreading rumours of a kill screen.

I spent the next day at a “haunted house” in Manhattan called “Nightmare,” where you explored an “insane asylum” full of “patients” who were “actors” covered in “blood ” and “other unidentifiable stuff,” and it was “psychologically terrifying.”

It was at a event space in NoHo and you walked around a maze of purpose built rooms in groups of five, I was on my own with two couples with one lady giving me permission to grab onto her fella if I became too terrified. At the beginning I appreciated the polite offering of human comfort but dismissed it with a “yeah right, it wont be that scary,” but I was so dreadfully wrong. By the end I was clawing away at any flesh that would come near me for dear life. At one point one of the men grabbed me and said “come here honey” and I thought I had scored, but he had just mistook me for his girlfriend in the screaming confusion.

Each room had a different actor inside who had chosen their own particular crazy person theme, one person reminded me of  Halle Berry in “Gothika,” the other Tim Curry in “It.” We were instructed to do everything the actors asked of us and I lost a coin toss to a woman with a bit of the Angelina Jolie about her and was commanded to go into a dark room alone to meet her “brother”. I wondered into the darkness fumbling around until I felt the tree trunk like arms of a heavily breathing man in the corner. I think I was meant to stay in there for the show to work but instead I ran out screaming. I would highly recommend it if you want to live in a film world like I frequently do. But take a lover.

The next show went even more well, with more Tim and an all ages crowd  and we celebrated by sitting on the bus for a bit then going to sleep.

In other news Gareth has started a exclusive tv club where he screens Harry Hills TV Burp, Match of the Day and The X Factor and we have all done some laundry.

Bye

Ellen x

I am currently logged onto the internet network known as YaleGuest and I feel like a imposter. Lets face it kids, I was never going to make it to Yale (for starters its too far away from Cardiff) but I can wonder around the campus with the Jean Paul Satre gift someone foolishly gave me and pretend for a while cant I? I wont ever read Satre, i know my limits, but  I figure intelligence works like osmosis, the knowledge from the other students and the book will collectively seep through my pores, into my brain and give me the ability to wax lyrical about all things post (modernism, structuralism, anarcism, secret etc)

Anyway, tour continues to chug along nicely with a lovely couple of days being spent in Philadelphia in which we went to the indoor food market, The Mutter Museum (conjoined twins in jars!) and saw Perfume Genius in a tiny chapel framed by thunder and lightning.

We performed in Johnny Brenda’s on a incredibly impractical stage and my increasingly chirpy mood was nearly threatened by a man shouting out “You looked better when you were Blonde!” at me whilst I was tuning up. I thought about explaining to him that blonde hair was really expensive and hard to upkeep but i figured that would be a really long retort so i settled with “I liked you better when you had hair,” because he was bald.

This was cheap a shot and didn’t even make much sense because we had never met before, but I had to say something to combat the fact he thought his comment was an okay thing to shout at me.

I continued tuning up and he added “your still hot though,” so I felt better about pointing out the fact he was bald.

He did try and buy me a drink afterwards to apologize, but he still seemed confused as to why I didn’t appreciate his commentary on my evolving style. Whilst I do not care whether this man preferred having masturbatory fantasies over me when I had bleach in my hair, I still get slightly thrown by such a comment, I am as insecure as the next person and sometimes I am not in the mood for that kind of rudeness (especially before a show).

I liked being blonde, I like being a brunette but I do my hair for myself, not for anyone else (apart from maybe Tyra Banks if I was on ANTM) and just because I am on a elevated platform in front of you (that stage was really high) does not mean you have more of a right to shout something negative at me.

Dick.

Rant over, anger out, now I can concentrate on happier things like new episodes of HIMYM

Anyway below is some pictures of some stuff from the last couple of days, including us on a bus, hope everyone is okay and that

Ellen x

I got this picture from a shop in St Joseph in Michigan, it was nestled amongst a collection of old portrait shots  labeled “instant ancestors,” I naturally chose the one who most resembled me. I like to think she was a elegant woman who was married off into the Clergy for a suitable dower, and although she got on okay with her husband, the priest, her unnaturally high sexual appetite lead her to have wild passionate affairs with the guy who played the organ and the dude who repaired the pews. She probably had about 8 children, all increasingly dull before she did a Julia Roberts and went to various countries to find herself but instead contracted syphilis and died alone in a Tibetan opium den.

Today we are in Lava Quebec after a thoroughly enjoyable gig in Toronto, we played a song which has been absent from set lists for a good long while and the response to it was reassuring, as was the crowds general elation. It was like a warm sweaty collective hug. Post gig we tried out some Poutin, marvelled at the general attractiveness of Toronto inhabitants (what would they be called? Torontoites?) and ended up at a “house party” where upon arrival it seemed we were the only guests.

Us, the owners of the house a dog called George Pooney and a topless man. Awwwwwwwkward.

I will leave you with some invaluable advice I found in a book in Toronto.

Because everyone loves it when some stranger shuffles up them on a park bench

This just seems reckless.

Ellen x

As you are aware we are coming to America, and much like Eddie Murphy we are travelling to New York to find wive’s for ourselves or a really nice pair of shoes from Beacons closet. I am, as always, bringing a camera, and I will be requiring your help in making the magic happen. I will be wondering around after the show and would very much love it if you came and talked to me, you could tell me a interesting fact about your town or if one of our songs has some special meaning to you that you  wish to share….it would be nice to have little collection of clips of that. Dont talk to me about the ending of Lost. Ever. It still burns.

But yes, talk to me people and yes, we are very excited, personally I aim to have a trip around one of ye olde graveyards in New Orleans and eat some grits

I will also be listening to a extraordinary amount of the RadioLab podcast which is currently my new obsession, and i recommend it highly to you all right now, it will make you learn things and feel smart and have many witty anecdotes to share at the dinner parties you attend.

In fact I fully intend to write a blog about possible movies that can be made out of Radiolab stories, because I constantly listen to it and exclaim “what a film that would make!” But seriously, dont send your kids to school, just make them listen to a couple of episodes of this (N.B do send your kids to school)

Anyway… i dont really have a sign out… i should get one of those…this girl at school use to sign everything off with “magic and fairies” and for some reason she was extraordinarily popular…it might have been something to do with her giant house/tv/walk in fridge

Anyway

Magic and Fairies (sookie)

Ellen x

to see it bigger click here

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/15399783 w=400&h=225]

The second tour video of our American trip is here for you to watch with your eyes. I have also reposted part one in case you need reminding of what we did (dicked around on a tour bus)

The treats to look forward to are….

Gareth asking a girl to the prom

People throwing their Bras and Pants at us in Pomona

Our American television debut. OH YEAH THATS RIGHT.

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/14111625 w=400&h=225]

to see it BIGGER go here

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/14131385 w=400&h=225]

to see this one go Tom Hanks on you click here

and goodbye

Ellen x

This image you see before you  is not taken from GQ,Zoo, Nuts, Maxim or the classier pages of Horse and Hound, it is in fact a image in this months Total Film magazine.

The last time I checked Kelly Brook’s bit part in Piranha 3-D was not important enough in the film world to warrant a four minute contemplation LET ALONE a four page spread and tag line cover reading “Bikini’s in the Movies” by Kelly Brook. I would not mind if that was attributed to a vast essay dissecting the finer points of iconic clothing within fimilic moments by a credible actress but NO, its Kelly Brook saying ” Whatever, I’ll dress up as Princess Leia for you.” (actual quote)

I would not mind if it was a small picture in the “stuff thats going on in films this month” section but there is no valid reason I can think of which requires that much space and that many large scale images of a semi naked Kelly Brook. She didnt impress me in Smallville and she wont impress me in Piranha 3-D, and this magazine is not meant to be a naked lady booby magazine, I have nothing against those, this is meant to be a “modern guide to movies” supplement. Even Megan Fox would have made more sense….

Whats next? Is Heat Magazine going to start discussing the decay of the textile industry in order to pull in keen knitters who may have overlooked it? Is Bizarre magazine going to start promoting ladies who abhor  spandex for the more traditional reader? Is More magazines position of the fortnight going to be replaced with “funny cat of the week” for the lolz cats generation? (Not a bad idea) EH EH

To balance out this fall from grace I demand a four page photo spread of a naked William H Macy  with the tag line “Genitals in the Movies” by William H Macy, in which he discusses his favorite images of genitals within modern cinema and recreates those shots.

Ellen x

(A recreation of the event)

Myself and my mother have been wittering on about doing this race since my first year of university where I was not regarded as the fittest or most active of people, but in recent years I have started exercising and doing a jog here and then to try and regain some health BUT registering for this finally gave me the motivation to give up smoking. So thats point one of why this is a good thing.

The second point is this. Cancer is a indescribably awful bastard of a disease and 5 years ago this May my nan died of it. She was an altogether awesome Irish lady who raised seven children pretty much single handedly and still found time to drink 25 cups of tea a day and in later years insisted everything I bought from the high street would have been cheaper/nicer if I had gone to Oxfam. She kind of turned out to be right about that whole vintage thing.

I would like to raise two hundred pounds for this altogether worthy cause in her memory and so far I am fifty pounds off, so give a few minutes to increase your karma rating and give my mum a reason to have gone to those lunchtime running classes. Please click HERE

Ellen x

POINT ONE

Tonight is a momentous occasion in tele-visual history for myself (yes bigger then Eurovision) it’s the ending of LOST!

I summarise the entire show like thus: Six years, Four laughs and One likeable character.

(All four laughs were had when Juliet died in case your wondering)

I like to think of Lost as a long term relationship, it started out full of passionate and fire but suddenly got really arduous and dull and the only way to get through it is to lie to yourself and your friends about how awesome the sex still is.

I dont want to be upset with the amount of time I have spent watching badly scripted circular conversations, flashbacks/forwards/sides and Lockes man boobs, but tonight is the last time I will hear one character apologizing for causing another characters deaths through stupidity. Thats right, I will be attending a Lost viewing party.

There will be three of us.

I am avoiding spoilers by not typing Lost into google, ignoring twitter and facebook and not going places where people talk inanely about stuff. I will mostly be sat inside with earmuffs on today.

Here is my friend Johnny’s Lost Viewing Party Food Menu

- Doctor Jack Shepherd’s Pie

- Hurley Fries

- Man In Black Pudding

- Jacob’s Crackers

- Smoke Monster Munch

- Uncle Ben’s egg fried rice

-Sawyer Sauce served from a Not Penny’s Gravy Boat

-bottles of Jin (and Jim Robinson’s Squash as a booze free alternative)

- to celebrate the end, a few lines of Charlie

This is my contribution

Anticlimax pie with a side of “was it worth it” fruit salad

POINT TWO: Me and my mother are doing a 5k canter/trot/run/jog/walk/skip together for Race For Life and goddamit we need some sponsership, so if anyone has a couple of quid spare and they want to get the best karma ever then click here and let your conscience lead the way/enter some bank details

Ellen x

• The Ground Kontrol Barcade which sells Liquor AND has arcade games AND has pin ball machines.
• Voodoo Doughnuts which sells erm…doughnuts BUT really special and creative ones. When i visited this shop I ate the “Old Dirty Bastard” but am morbidly fascinated by the “Bacon-Maple Bar,” because I have always dreamed of dying of a heart attack face down in a delicious sugary pastry

• The home place of Bitch Magazine!

Myself and Kim are both fans of this fine non-profit quarterly magazine which describes itself as a “feminist response to pop culture” and is truly a purveyor of interesting, informative and funny articles which don’t patronize or pander to its readership of people with a sly interest in feminism.

It first caught my eye when we were on tour in Florida last January where my child like brain was drawn to the immediacy of the title, and the proclamation that was an article inside discussing the validity of Jane Eyre as a feminist.

There was a refreshing lack of articles on penis vowing and how to be less shit in bed (not that there is anything wrong with those articles but when you have read as many as myself and you still suck in the bedroom department….well its a sad day.) Instead it was a variation of topical and well written articles, reviews and took more than five seconds to read and I was hooked.

However Bitch magazine survives purely on donations to keep being really really good and so they need YOUR HELP, MY HELP and EVERYONES help to stop Cosmopolitan and Glamour swallowing up my entire brain, because I JUST CANT HELP MYSELF.