X Men: First Ass

Worst Poster Eva

WARNING  THERE WILL BE SPOILERS:

A Rant about X Men: First Class

First the Self Deprecation: I am terrible at writing reviews, my film critic vocabulary is limited and ill informed, my describing words normally reduced to wild gesticulation in person and my biased opinion is at the forefront of most critiques I have, BUT with that in mind I know objectively that X Men: First Class is not a good film. Yes, the film has got pretty complimentary reviews, but (and I am not being purposefully contrary here) it will not stand the test of time as a good superhero movie. It is no “Spiderman 2″ nor “X Men 2″ nor “Batman Begins”, and you can argue that it was not striving for that, it is simply a forgettable summer blockbuster, but then so was Thor, and for all it’s gleaming faults and ridiculous pomposity that felt like a hell of a lot more fun. With X Men: First Class I expected a lot more; for starters it has the Singer films as a bench mark (as well as a production credit), some of the most interesting characters in the Marvel Universe and the team that made (Vaughn and Goldman) the superb Kick Ass.

What it delivered was a by the numbers flat movie which at best is mildly entertained and at worst a homage to Austin Powers. The ingredients of  team who had done a superb comic book adaptation before+some very good character actors should =  really really great film instead of something kind of blah.

Empire pretty much sums it up with “the whole thing smacks or rush and compromise.”

Facepalm indeed Mr Stewart

For starters there are far far too many characters. There is not enough time to develop them sufficiently, many are pointless and I found their choices and decisions in the film not entirely convincing. Fassbender is at least given a fighting chance in the first third and his origins story is by far most interesting, but after he joins Xavier he is reduced to a few expositionary lines and occasionally gurning into the distance. His switching between sides seems contrived and superficial, and I only felt like he was conflicted or even interesting when he was trying to kill all those mean Nazi’s.

Some characters are introduced pointlessly (Lenny Kravitz’s daughter) and are disposed of quickly (Darwin), and a brief montage sequence serves only to fast forward them from confused and lonely to fighting fit superheros without us really knowing who any of them are, but contradictoraily that also seems like the funnest part of the film. I thought the most interesting character was Jennifer Lawerence’s Mystique who gets more of an arc then others, and I have to applaud Mcavoy for trying his hardest with what he had but overall I cared little for anyone. The friendship between Erik and Xavier is forged too easily despite their opposing principles and it does not have the same amount of feeling or gravitas that was established in just one scene in X2 (Stewart and McKellen in the plastic prison playing chess)

January Jones can’t act. I didn’t want to know this, I love Mad Men, I think she is great as Betty Draper, but in this she is a dull uncharismatic shadow of a actress who does little other then wear white bikinis and sprout corny lines, not her fault, but even Rose Byrne brings some personality to a woefully underwritten role.

The script is full of great sound bites for trailers (they looked good didn’t they) but other then that there is little that goes beyond exposition and necessary lines to make us believe this person is sad or this person is evil. There were some hideous cheeseballs in there mainly from Kevin Bacon’s evil baddie spiels, and his character felt like a parody of a bond villan. Beasts transition from Hoult to furbull is brushed over to keep the plot moving, but it makes no sense for someone who hates their mutations to be so accepting of such a change in their entire appearance, but again, it felt like another thing crammed in to get these characters from A to B.

It was kind of dull. The explanation for Bacon’s nuclear war plans felt like a secondary thought, the cameo, in jokes and asides felt crowbarred and as subtle as a brick in face (James McAvoy mentions going bald twice, because you know Patrick Stewart is bald and that OMG) and everything zipped along at such a fast pace that tonally it was kind of all over the place.

I could go on, but i wont because thats not fair on you. If you are completely opposed to me, think I was and am expecting too much from what essentially is a silly film about people in costumes then go and watch “Kick Ass”, go and watch “X Men 2″. Or go and watch Wolverine, because that makes every film seem amazing by comparison.

Ellen x