Ellen: It’s Been An Awfully Big Adventure
I don’t know how to start this, other then diving right in so….I’ll dive.
It is with a sad face I have to report that I am leaving Los Campesinos!. The show on the 15th of December in London will be my last, and I shall spend it struggling not to cry. Please don’t point out my tears if you come along. Simply pretend it is eye sweat.
Over the last seven years I have been blessed, not by God, because he doesn’t exist, but with opportunities and a life I will not fully appreciate until I am about forty-five. I will look back at old photos of the band, with our smooth skin and questionable hair, and go “fuck me. That was mental.”
The past and present members of Los Campesinos! have been my family for the last seven years and seen me at my lowest, my highest, my most angry, sad, happy, broken, fixed, grown up and immature. They have seen me fail, succeed, let myself and them down, learn the hard way, but they have also seen me grow. And they have always had my back, and I hope, I sincerely hope, I have done my best to have theirs.
There is not a terribly exciting reason for me leaving, (so please start some exciting rumours), I am just going to try something new. Fulfil my ambitions of becoming a failed writer and developing a opium habit. It’s all going to be very retro. I leave with the upmost love and support from the band, but I have requested my replacement not be too cool.
I would say I am sad to go, but that is too simple a word for the variety of emotions I have swimming around my head right now. I am sad, but mostly I am drowning in warm and happy flashbacks, vinaigrette images of us all laughing in the van on long drives across America. Joe Puleo, tour manager, at the front telling a story, Jason playing quizmaster and hosting a game of “Guess the Song,” from an app he has downloaded, and we all scream out responses. Rob taking photos of the scenery on his lomo, Neil watching gangster epics on his laptop, and maybe later on this long long drive Paul and Tom will play Tiger Woods Golf whilst I work out how long I can hold my bladder for before requesting we stop. I was the most frequenter pee needer on long drives. I am not ashamed of this. I owned it.
I felt warm and safe on those drives, listening to everyone tell stories, share experiences, make each other laugh. I am lucky to have shared a hotel room with so many exceptional ladies over the years, Aleks, Harriet and especially Kim, who shared my fear of the cold, love of porridge and put up with my ability to make a mess in any room in under 5 seconds. Starting and ending the day together, we did some good chatting.
I have seen a lot of this world, and I didn’t have to go on a gap year to do it. I have travelled across the breadth and depth of the US and the UK and I have seen a lot of different faces, and sampled a lot of backstage humus.I have seen a lot of graffitied backstage cocks.
I have met and worked with countless wonderful, interesting and horrifically talented people inside the industry, inside the venues, inside the recording studie and inside our practice space. (I won’t gush too much about how talented the people in the band are, you might get diabetes from my sincerity, but it has been a pleasure and a privilege to play the music that Tom writes.)
Also fans. Fans are awesome. You made it possible for us record an album in Seattle. To play a show outside of Wales. To play in a baseball stadium in Japan. A haunted restaurant in Santa Cruz. a handful of US universities and see Mexico! I saw Mexico! You girls and guys are truly humbling, and I hope I never took you for granted too much. I probably did. Thank you for knowing the words, for bringing cakes, and books, and t-shirts, and comics, and buying us drinks and for waiting and driving miles and cheering and clapping. For reading or watching or listening to anything we have ever done. Thanks. You kept us going and will continue to be the life blood of the Los Campesinos! family.
I was trawling through old photos trying to find the best one to represent a start and an ending, but I got lost in old memories and the process of ageing.
(God we looked young, look at our skin! Look at our clothes! Cardigans and ripped up Distillers t shirts, oh I still have that.)
I have eons of photos of the band at the start, at rehearsals, house parties, with experimental hair, (mine black, Gareth long and wispy, Neil’s fringe nearly covering his eyes and Tom always wearing his hat) and at our first shows. I remember when we first started, our summer of label romance where everyone wanted to take us out for a pub meal, and all we ever did was go out in Cardiff drinking and dancing. We said we would change our last names to Campesinos! if we ever played in the states, but we tempted fate, and we never changed out names but we did get to go to America a lot.
I sometimes wonder what alternative universe me would be doing if she didn’t go to that first rehearsal in Ollie’s bedroom. I think she is picking her nose right now in a bath of baked beans, bored and crazy because she spent all day in an office sitting next to a woman who told her about the time she slept with a navy seal. No one cares Brenda.
So 500 plus gigs, millions of air miles, gallons of backstage whisky and wine, a tonne of sweaty cheese and pita bread, a litre of tears shed on stage, hundreds of “don’t fuck up,” panics, hundreds of fuck ups, hundreds of “this is blowing my mind” moments whilst starring into a sea of unfamiliar and impassioned faces, break ups and ill advised hook ups later (don’t date musicians, like ever, we’re all mental,) I realise I have seen all the travel lodges, service stations, and states of America (apart from Alaska) and I have tasted more Marks and Spencer’s meals then I thought possible. I’ve been with some of the finest people I know doing a very unnatural thing, which is both the best and the worst experience and often at the same time, but never the same any given year. And we have done it fucking well. The best we can.
God I’m being dramatic, but I can’t help it, I was a middle child.
So some more self-indulgence.
I want to thank some people for being ace. John Goodmanson – a brilliant producer and a lesson in style and grace under pressure. Joe Puleo – the best tour manager, you never feel anything but safe in his company. Kelly Pickard – inspiration, mentor, wisest woman. Paul Rattcliff- The loyalist soundman whom gives so much. Kev and Alun and Mark Bowen, Wichita, Ben and Vicky, Gareth Dobson, anyone we have toured with or supported or who I have met along the way, everyone I forgot. I haven’t forgot, I am thinking about you.
My mum, because she told me I could be anything and do anything except get my tongue pierced. And I did that anyway, and she still wasn’t mad at me.
And the band.. Kim, Jason, Gareth, Tom, Neil and Rob who I will miss sharing experiences with that no one will understand, I love you guys. Like, loads. From our first Sweet Dreams, until our last, thanks.
Okay, too long, too emo. Bye bye.
Ellen x
Best wishes in your writing career Ellen! Thank you for the beautiful music you’ve made with LC!
May you live long and prosper.
Oh man, I think of all the band departures this one. You’ll be greatly missed Ellen, through the years I’ve met you at a few different shows and tweeted with you before and you’ve been nothing but gracious, funny, and kind. The band will now have a pretty massive vacancy to fill in the way of a bassist as well as a comic geek, film buff, photographer, writer (I’ve loved your stuff on tumblr) and just an all around wonderful human being. Christ, this is starting to sound like a eulogy. Anyway I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your future endeavors and hope your life continues to be as brilliant and fulfilling as it has been thus far.
<3 this was wonderful.
So sad to hear you leave
Best of luck
Thanks Ellen x
Wow. Great blog but so sad. All three original ladies gone now. This is a dark day.
There’ll be nobody left soon
I am real fucking sad now. Wish you a fantastic life, you are a beautiful human being. Thank you for everything
Thanks for the memories, Ellen. Sincere best wishes for the new career.
[...] the full message here. This is such a bummer. Loved you Ellen. Of all the times I’ve seen LC! and spoken with you [...]
Ellen, you have made many people’s days for seven whole years… this is sad, but thank you for all that, and good luck with all further pursuits. And I will still read your blog. x
(This is making me so much more gutted that I can’t come to the show on the 15th…)
I wish you nothing but the very best, Ellen. This is a sad day, but you have a very bright future.
[...] noticia la que nos hemos encontrado en la web de Los Campesinos! Ellen, una de sus miembros, anuncia que el concierto del próximo 15 de [...]
Splendid news! Now we can rule Asgard together!
You probably don’t recall but we chatted after a show about comics and other solid nerd shit this summer.
This will be a day we live in infamy.
Dear Ellen,
Thank you very much for for what you’ve done for the band, and therefore for how your work (records) and play (gigs/blogs I kind of mean) have improved my life. I’ve enjoyed so much of it. I’d like to take a moment to thank the whole band as well, all the remaining members (past and present in fact), for the work they’ve done too. I hope it continues.
Yours,
E
Oh god if this is how I react when you leave I have no idea how I’m going to handle it if the whole band breaks up. I remember admiringly watching you from the front row while being protected from moshers by my dad when I was 12. I have your autograph blu-tacked to my wall that my boyfriend got for me when he met you in Edinburgh. You will be greatly missed x
Absolutely gutting; I know it’s really juvenile to have a “favourite band member”, but with no disrespect to the others, you were by far and away mine. All the best!
#gutted
So gutted I can’t go to your last show. But ly Ellen 4 eva in our hearts.
Ellen what a wonderful and eloquent way to say goodbye! Your writing career will be an amazing one!
Hopefully see you soon.
Sarah xxx
I cried. I’ve been a fan of LC! for such a long time, and I hate how I can’t make your final December performance. But really, thanks for everything, best luck to you in the future (:
only o.g. members Neil, Grth n Tom now..
Dear Ellen
Your awesome bass, amusing movie reviews and being so generous with your fans will be dearly missed. Your music has touched so many peoples lives so thank-you so much for that. Let us LC! fans know when you have some writing of yours we can purchase and will at book signing in a heart beat.
Joel Burrows xo
thanks for everything Ellen! it was a fun ride during this part of the ride. nothing but the best for this next venture.
hope you can still make your ways to san diego comic con somehow. i don’t know mayybbee fradulent kickstarter campaign
oh hey uhh yeah this totally is a documentry i’m filming.
listens to LC! for the very first time. a few hours later, one of the band members announces that she’s leaving.
I’m going to miss you so much! That was heart warming, I teared up. I hope you accomplish whatever yr heart desires <3 <3 <3
I am fighting tears. But I just think about how even the Fellowship fell apart, but the Ring still got destroyed. Things will pan out. You have my love, Ellen.
Hi Ellen you are a very special person and have experienced an amazing adventure and will go on to have more adventures. You are a very brave and I am very proud of you.
[...] reports that Waddell did a post on the band’s blog to alert fans of her decision – titled “It’s Been An Awfully Big [...]
Every time I read this post, a baby seal dies.
THIS IS WHAT YOU DO TO ME.
I never expected to hear that today …
The best wishes in your new projects and hoping hear about you soon
Ellen Campesinos…may you touch as many lives in your new endeavors as you have through through this amazing collective known as Los Campesinos!
Ellen, although this was devastating news for me to have heard today, and it absolutely broke my heart, I truly wish you the best in the rest of your life. Just by reading this goodbye letter, I know you will go far with your writing. Writing is something I as well hold very close to my heart (I mean I am studying journalism), so I suppose I could understand your wanting to explore that talent. I feel so glad that I was able to not only see the band perform with you still in it, but meet you personally as well. You probably don’t have a recollection of this, but this past summer when I met LC!, you guys signed my shoes. I will forever have those as a reminder of one of the greatest nights of my life. You are awesome, musically and just as a person, and I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for:’)
thank you so much xx
Karina
Sweet Dreams Sweet Cheeks Ellen
dsafsadfsadfsadfsadfdsf
In case my last message wasn’t approved, good luck and good bye.
we’ll miss you.
<3
Ellen, you will be greatly missed. It seems silly to repeat what everyone has said here again, but it’s the only way to say it. Everyone will miss you.
I wish you the best of luck with your writing. I’ve admired the work on your Tumblr for a while, and I’m really excited to see where you take your talent. Thank you for being a part of my favourite band, and making such incredible music over the years.
Ellen, not to be a super nerd but that evening in Brooklyn when we were chatting outside Brooklyn Bowl ranks among my best fan girl moments. Plus you found my cookie baking endearing and not creepy which was a relief. I have always bought tickets to each night you guys played in NYC; and although I’ll still go see LC! every time they’re in NYC (as I have lyrics tattooed on me now – full commitment) it won’t be the same without you. Best of luck – I know you’ll see success in whatever you do.
[...] pero lo cierto es que Waddell se despidió con una extensa carta de despedida a través de la página oficial de la banda en cuyo título rezaba: “Ha sido una tremenda gran aventura”. La bajista [...]
Good luck with the foreseeable future, I will miss you a lot. x
[...] noticia se dio a través del sitio web de la banda. A través del blog detalla cuáles son los motivos por los que decidió dar un paso al costado. En la publicación [...]
[...] LOS CAMPESINOS! BASSISTIN ELLEN WADDELL WIRD DIE BAND AM 15.12. NACH EINER SHOW IN LONDON VERLASSEN. Quelle: Band Homepage [...]
[...] noticia se dio a través del sitio web de la banda. A través del blog detalla cuáles son los motivos por los que decidió dar un paso al costado. En la publicación [...]
Ellen, if your gracious, heartfelt, and honest sign-off is any indication, you’ll find as much or more success as a writer as you did in LC! Lots of love and the best to you from the States : )
Noooooo!!!! :’( Good luck to you in all of your future endeavors, Ellen. Kick some ass!!
The things I would do to be the bassist of Los Campesinos!… oh my goodness I wish lol
You can look back on your life and confidently say that you achieved something phenomenal and seen the world. That is pretty effing majestic if you ask me. You’re going to be very sorely missed by every Los Camp fan, but good luck!
[...] sing-along, feel good stuff, which is quite odd considering the band’s bassist Ellen Waddell recently announced that she’s leaving the group. Oh well, there’s always January to mourn. For now, [...]
I’m crying. I remember from the time i was introduced to Los Camp, you were my favorite member. with your god damn crazy hair and fucktastic bass playing, i idolized you.
We (or at the very least, I) will always remember you as a part of the band.
Best wishes and good luck in your future. Glad you had such a good time with the band and I’m sure your memories will stay with you forever. lc-4-lyf
Ellen, if you ever need a running partner to sweat it out, let me know . I’ll be your huckleberry.
Oh fuck. I’ve just read it and it’s… Oh, it’s sad. Sad for me and the fans, sad for you, but it’s going to be better for you. And for us, to, but not too soon.
i’m one of those crazy fans who went all sorts of different places to see the band. i have pix with you at maxwell’s in hoboken, brooklyn bowl, bowery ballroom, music hall of williamsburg and more. along with being a great band. you are all great people. so thank you, ellen. thank you for years of great times and amazing music. i’ll be at the next los campesinos! show, but i’ll also be keenly aware that something is wrong on the right side of the stage because you’re not there.
I’ve been a fan for years now and it’s amazing how you all evolved. Good luck with your dreams.
Lots of tnx.
-Roland from the Philippines
Thanks for the great fun over the years, Ellen. You are an absolute delight. Be well and stay bold. Cheers.
What enormous courage it takes to leave something amazing and successful, in order to do something else, just because you really want to follow that dream.
Remember that a writer is ‘one who writes’ – so write, write, write and don’t stop! If you love doing it, then you’re already successful!
Good bye Mrs. Poe
Go write, be cool and develop an opium habit.
I will miss you as much as I can miss an almost totally unknown person… I mean A LOT. And sure, I will create a few rumours about your involvement with the Russian Mafia.
I already miss you a bit.
I lurve you Ellen
A little late, but at as a sub-par, hopefully somewhat-melodic bassist, I’ve always admired your work.